Aug 5, 2024, Good to Know: Grandparents confused by your child’s autism? Expert reveals the one phrase to help them understand
Experts have shared their tips for teaching grandparents the best way to support their neurodivergent grandchild
Dealing with grandparents who can't or won't accept their grandchild's autism diagnosis can be one of the most frustrating aspects of parenting - but experts have revealed how to help them understand it.
Parenting a child with autism often demands a whole different approach to parenting than that you'd take with a neurotypical child. And it's not just the practical, caring aspects of parenting you need to tailor differently. For just one example, you have to figure out ways to best support autistic play rather than just learn how to play with a child and that's not to mention figuring out how to best discipline bad behaviour.
But one of the hardest aspects can be when grandparents don't understand how autism affects their grandchild or their parents' approach to caring for them.
"My parents want my daughter to behave like other kids when it's just not possible," one mum of an autistic child told Next Avenue. Another added, "They'll tell her to simmer down or tell me to take her computer screen away from her. They put a lot of blame on me and my husband for not disciplining her."
The experience seems to be universal, with many grandparents simply not understanding how to handle the behaviours of autistic children. And it's left one expert telling parents of autistic kids to handle their family's misunderstanding in one simple way; "Emphasise that autism is not a result of poor parenting or something that can be fixed, but rather a different way of experiencing the world, is crucial."
According to Devora Fromowitz, the vice president of operations at Achievements ABA Therapy who shared the insight, "Autism is a complex developmental disorder, and it often requires a nuanced approach to explain its characteristics and implications. Grandparents may have grown up in a time when autism was less understood or even stigmatised, leading to difficulties in accepting and comprehending their grandchild's condition."
Further explaining grandparents' lack of understanding around autism and the behaviours surrounding it, Julia DeNey, a former special education professional, explained how, previously, diagnosing autism was difficult for professionals as the symptoms lie on a spectrum and many people in grandparents' generations were overlooked and called 'disruptive, unmotivated, or disrespectful' instead of autistic. . . .
She also added that often a grandparents' denial over a diagnosis stems from a fear over the grandchild's future and what impact the 'label' of autism might have on it. In this case, providing education and support, as well as patience and understanding, when showing a grandparent how times have changed and what great support the diagnosis can welcome in, rather than the perceived negative impact it might have, can gradually help grandparents embrace their grandchild's needs.
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